Losing Yourself

I was having a moment today. I am feeling so overwhelmed with all I need to do. Then I told myself, it will get done when it gets done.
Over the last year and a half, I haven’t been allowed to work half of that due to lockdowns. It has been hard being a single mom, supporting 3 kids on my own. I have loving friends and family, but it is still a struggle everyday doing this on my own. Today, when I think of school work I have to do, cleaning I have to do, when will I be allowed to work again, I need to change what I’m doing because of my injury and constantly not being able to work. That’s when I thought, I lost myself again. I let things pile up because I was so busy doing things for other people. I did this before and I don’t want to do that again.
I love being a mom. I have thoroughly enjoyed watching my girls grow up into strong, beautiful, smart young women (all who are still with me). I did however, not have any real identity when they were younger besides a mom and wife. I loved reading books, I enjoyed working out, I love going on trail walks. Anything I enjoyed doing was either done late at night when the kids were asleep, or just forgotten about, because I was a mom and wife.
Fast forward to 3 years ago when my marriage broke up. I finally had the chance to figure out who I was, sort of. Since my girls are with me full time, I still have so much to do in taking care of a house and working. However, I had some time to figure out what I really like. I had started running and was able to really get good at that.
And then, covid hit. Now we are all locked down. I haven’t been allowed to work half of the last year and a half. I have lost myself again. Putting a ton of effort in everywhere else, but myself. This morning as I sat here thinking of everything I need to do, it overwhelmed me. That’s when I realized, I have all day and all weekend. I can get to things slowly. There is no rush. Everything will get done when it gets done. It isn’t going anywhere.
So this weekend, I need to focus on me. Self love, doing things I enjoy, taking time for me. We all need to take time for ourselves and put ourselves first. When you continuously give to others, there’s nothing left to give to yourself. It’s ok to say no, something I have always struggled with. Always love yourself enough to know when you need to put you first, otherwise you have nothing left to give to anyone else.